Well, it's February. For those of y'all who know me, and know me well.. you know how much I absolutely hate this month. I woke up this morning and I felt like I had a cement block on my chest. And no, it wasn't Zorro.
This is the month where I won't post a lot. This is the month where I try to get through one day at a time. This is the month where two days absolutely do me in. I just have to focus on taking one breath at a time.
You would think after five years things are starting to get easier. I seem to do ok during most of the year, except for Christmas and other random days. But February gets me every year.
So, if I made up a petition to remove February from the calendar, I hope folks would understand. Going from January to March would be a lot nicer. Right from winter to spring.
Well, have almost made it through one day. Only 27 more to go.
My plan of attack for February has always been to keep busy. Really busy. So that's my plan again this year. I have signed up to take a class on Tuesday nights. It's a sock knitting class and it is exaclty the complicated thing I need to learn how to do right now. I am thinking about taking a yoga class on Thursday nights. I tutor on Wednesdays.
But the kicker this year, is that it has been five years. It's the first time in five years, that the calendar has been the same as it was in 2004. Without the leap year. So in trying to get through this month, it will be even harder, because all the dates match up.
Also, the hard part is that it has been five years. An anniversary of sorts. Unlike the first Christmas, or first year... five years is so final. Somedays it is hard for me to fathom all that has happened in five years that Joy has not been a part of. Weddings, babies, jobs, moves. Somedays I just have a hard time realizing that life goes on and changes.
Most folks say that grief eventually goes away. I don't think so. I think when you lose someone dear to you, you always carry a scar on your heart.
So forgive me. Yes, I know that it has been five years. But I will always hate the month of February. I am so ready for March.